when did this happen?!

kiera is turning 18 months old, meaning, the beginning of some real changes happening. she went to the nursery for the first time today. me & ryan went in & sat for the first half hour just watching... the whole time i was thinking "is this really happening...? it's too soon... it's like school... they do an actual lesson plan? & snack time? ...& music time...? what? really? how did this happen so soon?" i'm pretty sure ryan had the same thoughts going through his head too. kiera, on the other hand... LOVED IT! and that makes me so happy. i was told, she did well because she is secure with herself & with us as parents, she knows nothing will happen & she felt confident & knew she could enjoy herself without worrying about anything. she's always been so independent & enjoys her own time & space, so i'm sure that had something to do with it too. she's the only girl in there right now with all boys but she knows how to hold her own & set her foot down. (we were witnesses to that for a moment, haha) we left for the second half & she didn't even bat an eyelash when we left the room. as i was walking back afterwards to get her i kept thinking "i wonder if she cried... hope she liked it... did she listen... did she know what to do... was she wondering where me & ryan were..." as i was walking down the hallway to the room, i could hear her laughing, screaming, squealing... loud. i went in & she was running around the room as if she was at home. i'm so glad it was a wonderful experience for her, can't believe my baby is growing up.

KnEEs

first of many to come...

yesterday, kiera totally ate it & skinned up both her knees. you could tell it hurt cuz she was crying like crazy (she never cries) & for the next 2 hours or so, she kept reminding us "knee. hurt."

0utside

Grandpa

kiera loves spending time at grandpa's house & so do i. i love to runaway to my dads house when i'm sick, stressed, & when i just wanna relax. at home, i always have a need to be busy & constantly be doing something. when i'm at my dads, i can just rest & not do a single thing if i don't want. it's so nice. plus, it always feels like we're celebrating something & that just makes me happy. last month (feb) we had a full thanksgiving dinner & we are constantly baking cakes to celebrate unbirthdays. my favorite is when my dad makes me hot chocolate (atole) & i just relax on the couch, snuggled up in a blanket. i love watching kiera enjoy her pampa (grandpa), & her tio. i love watching tv & laughing like crazy, i love sitting & having serious deep talks with my dad about things that matter, i love that ryan feels at home there & i love that my dad loves ryan, like his own. i love that i always feel like i'm on vacation when i'm there & i love how being there makes me feel like a kid. here's kiera & ryan on the swings, out at the playhouse my dad is building for kiera. kiera LOVES her swing. she walks over to ryan & says... "outside. swing. let's go. please."

what goes with red polyester pants from 1983...?? absolutely nothing. but she still looks so super cute, doesn't she?

c0nv0s wit Kiera

Kiera got into ryan's deoderant & used it as lotion. She moisturized her arms, legs, shirt, my tv, the wood floor.... then she came over & climed up on my lap...



Me: Kiera...... you smell like a boy...

Kiera: ......stinky....? stinky boy?

RainDr0ps 0n r0ses...

Lindey, thanks for the inspiration...

here are a few of my favorite things!


i'll start with my treadmill. it's the first thing i do every morning. and if i don't do a single thing the rest of the day, that 60 mins i was on it in the morning, makes me feel accomplished.



disneyland. i love going there. doesn't matter how often, i get the same feeling every single time.



my rotary cutting mat & tools. it makes creating things sooo much easier!




my sexy boots. they make the outfit. seriously. and they're so freaking comfortable, i can wear them all day. plus, they were a gift from ryan, he picked them out on his own & they're so hott, that just makes them so much more special.


my tablecloth. it was buried in my grandmothers old trunk in the garage. my mom almost passed out when she saw it out & on the table. i love the colors & it matches the flowers outside in my garden.


my journal. i love to write & draw in here. this is my happy journal, no negative things enter here... it's all about good vibes. things i can go back & read that make me feel good.

Quest

I've been on a life long quest to find happiness. Truth is, i've spent so much time searching for something that isn't what i thought it was. I could've run right into it & had no idea. Happiness isn't always a constant, but it's very real when it's here. I guess i expected that once i found happiness, it'd be here infinitely, & i'd never again feel sad, or angry, or depressed. That's where i sabotaged myself & set my life up for lots of disappointment & heartache. We learn how to brace ourselves & substitute ways & means of coping with the terrible things that life throws our way, it builds walls & boundaries that we are afraid to let down... for people, relationships, happiness... it doesn't make us stronger, it makes us harder. How can we stop to smell the flowers if we trample them into the dirt before we give ourselves a chance. I have a wonderful life. I haven't always been ab

le to see that though. I know it to be true but my mind is obscure sometimes. I have to say, it's not always a choice. It's not a switch i can turn on & off. It's a psychological thing, & it's very real. So many people suffer & don't get help or talk about it, but it's ok to. We all go through things, we are all human, our thought & feelings are very real & we need to take care of ourselves so that we can be happy. Everyone deserves to be happy. I'm working on myself & i'm doing very well. I'm finding things that make me happy. M

y family makes me happy, & i'm so proud to be a part of it. Mine & ryans. So full of love & support. I love creating things, that makes me happy. Whether it's sewing, baking, drawing/painting, or just coloring with kiera... thare's something gratifying about looking at the finished product of something i made. I made this skirt for kiera yesterday, it took me a few hours. She wore it to church today & i couldn't help but smile everytime i looked at her. The ultimate compliment was when one of the girls (about 16 yrs old said "oh! i want her outfit.") My garden makes me happy, i planted my seeds & all but my tomatoes have sprouted. The anticipation of being able to pick fresh vegetables for my family makes me happy. That's just a few things but i assure you, there are many more. Thank you to all of you who read my little blog. Even though you don't all comment, i know you're here. I appreciate the love & friendship from everyone.

♥ QuEEn 0f HEarTS ♥

Went to see alice IN wondeRland last night! so fun! I went in costume & made MaNy people smile. And it was so cute to see little girls say "mama!" then point quietly at me. I loved the movie & the company was so awesome (ryan & frank), went to the DiRty BirD after for some food then called it a night! Such a fun friday night!

p.s. i think i'll make the evil queens costume next. (the one from snow white)

WeeKenD

This last weekend we had some visitors. Grandma Judy, aunt Kristin, & cousin Kelly. They drove down friday & stayed until sunday. It was so fun having them here! They actually came down for a funeral. Ryan's great aunt Polly passed away on valentine's day. It's sad losing her but she had a long wonderful life & she's now reunited with her husband, what better day than valentine's day. Aunt Polly was such a great example to us all. She brought so much joy to the lives of everyone she met. Her funeral was beautiful & you could just feel the love that everyone had for her! SO, on friday we went down to the beach & it was perfect! The weather could not have been better! Like, seriously! Plus, we found tons of awesome shells, huge shells, & even sand dollars!

Kiera had such a fun time!

On saturday we went to the funeral in san diego, then afterwards we went down to the mormon battalion in old towne, it was pretty cool. We had such a fun weekend with the girls!

b0undaries

kiera's really good at cleaning up after herself, like really. i rarely do it. it's so funny though, when i ask her to pick up her toys, shoes, books, etc... and take them to her playroom or to her room, she knows that as long as they're across the line...she's good. like literally. she walks to the doorway & drops/tosses them over the threshold. if something doesn't quite make it, she'll gently push, slide, kick, or nudge it over.

pretty much sums it up...

ALicE iN W0nDerLaNd!

I'm s0oo0o0 excited for this movie to come out! It combines my tw0 biggest l0ves, (besides ryan & kiera of course!) alice in wonderland & tim burton... what?! tim burton... ok, i'm pretty sure you thought i was gonna say j0hnny depp... but come on, that's just a given! Alice in W0nderLand has always been my favorite disney movie. One day when i was sick (i had a sinus infection & morning sickness...) i watched that movie the whole day, over & over, it just looped in the dvd player & i watched & watched & watched... and well, tim burton... he's incredible. I love his style so much! (anyone that knows me, understands) I love pretty much love all his movies, he's amazing. Ryan & i once talked about... if you could hang out with ANYBODY, living or dead, for a day, who would it be? I surprised him when i said TiM BurT0n. He thought i was crazy but yup, secrets out, i'm fascinated with one of the darkest men in the world... so, if you don't really know me all that well, now you do. explains much? haha.

I really wanna put together a costume, of sorts, to wear in two weeks when the movie comes out. I'm not quite sure though, alice... or... the queen of hearts... hhmm... (i'm pretty sure ryan would rather i not.. lol) but i so0o0o want to! what to do, what to do...

GeTTy CenTer

Today we went to the getty museum. Ryan wanted to go since he has a work-free week. I have to say, i'm not much on museums & things like that but i loved it! Riding the tram up to the museum is so fun in & of itself. The view was really cool (even though it was foggy/smoggy. (depending who you ask...) There was so much to see & it was all so amazing! I love to draw & paint, but haven't done it in while, looking around there at all the beautiful things was so motivating, it makes me want to start again. Kiera loved running around & seeing everything too (she loved all the painting & sculptures of animals). She loves seeing people & is the biggest flirt you'll meet, so she was in total bliss. We were there for 3 hours & saw only about half the exhibits! We'll definitely be going back. I highly recommend it to everyone, you won't be disappointed!

Beach L0vin

I love living by the beach. It's so beautiful & relaxing. We woke up this morning & went down to catch the sunrise... it was amazing! We went for a walk & then stopped, put down a blanket & enjoyed some hot chocolate. The weather was perfect! Kiera loves taking her bucket & carrying it around. We found so many beautiful seashells. (no sand dollars this time around...) Such a wonderful way to start the day!

l0ve

Ryan & I celebrated our first valentine's day {together} 5 years ago. Yeah, five! It seems like it was just yesterday but at the same time it feels like we've known each other forever. We've had our ups, down & we've grown so much together. He's learned to live with my psychotic-ness & i've learned to love his nerdy-ness... we are complete opposites & we couldn't be more right for each other. This pic was taken valentine's 2005, ryan looks so young & cute. How could i not fall in love...

Happy Valentine's Day!

I'm so over sh0rt hair. i want my looong hair back. i went red... ok, fun... then i was over it. so now it's black again. cut it... fun too, liked it. alot. now i'm over it. gr0w!

this is the day i chopped it off... about 6 months ago, i was so ready for a change... love it, miss it.

I always forget what a drastic height difference me & ryan have... yes, i really DO forget. Then i'll notice somebody look at us, then double take... then look up at ryan... then down at me... and after i lock eyes with them and smile like "yup... we're not an illusion..." i realize... wow.

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Dads are the BEST!

I got my garden planted this week. I know i'm ahead of schedule but i did it more for my sanity than anything else. These past couple of weeks have been "rough" (for lack of a better word...) so i needed something to do to occupy my mind & body. Planting & up-keeping a garden brings joy to my heart for so many reasons... it keeps me busy (i don't mind weeding..in fact i enjoy it), i love watching it grow & develop, i love people's reaction to it (growing up i never knew of anybody having a garden, it's still a new commodity around here), i love being able to enjoy the fruits & vegetables & have it available right at my fingertips, i love being able to share it with others, i love spending time outside it the fresh air & sunlight with my beautiful daughter (she l0ves being outdoors)...... i just love the purpose. I decided to grow some things i've grown before & had success with, ditch some things i've tried & for whatever reason felt i could do without, & decided to try some new things & see how it goes... even decided to grow tomatoes this year. (me & ryan HATE tomatoes but kiera likes them) Last year we went to utah for a week & my garden wasn't watered...it totally dried & when we got back it was to late to salvage the roots. This time around... NOT letting that happen again. Anyways, with the area i have set aside around my house for gardening, these are the things we look forward to growing & enjoying in the near & not-so-near future. Sugar snap peas, bell peppers, onions, cucumbers, asparugus, romaine lettuce, zucchini, pumpkins, tomatoes, carrots, potatoes, corn, strawberries, lemons, jalapenos, banana peppers, & i'd love love love an avocado tree but we'll see on that one!