I've been on a life long quest to find happiness. Truth is, i've spent so much time searching for something that isn't what i thought it was. I could've run right into it & had no idea. Happiness isn't always a constant, but it's very real when it's here. I guess i expected that once i found happiness, it'd be here infinitely, & i'd never again feel sad, or angry, or depressed. That's where i sabotaged myself & set my life up for lots of disappointment & heartache. We learn how to brace ourselves & substitute ways & means of coping with the terrible things that life throws our way, it builds walls & boundaries that we are afraid to let down... for people, relationships, happiness... it doesn't make us stronger, it makes us harder. How can we stop to smell the flowers if we trample them into the dirt before we give ourselves a chance. I have a wonderful life. I haven't always been ab

le to see that though. I know it to be true but my mind is obscure sometimes. I have to say, it's not always a choice. It's not a switch i can turn on & off. It's a psychological thing, & it's very real. So many people suffer & don't get help or talk about it, but it's ok to. We all go through things, we are all human, our thought & feelings are very real & we need to take care of ourselves so that we can be happy. Everyone deserves to be happy. I'm working on myself & i'm doing very well. I'm finding things that make me happy. M

y family makes me happy, & i'm so proud to be a part of it. Mine & ryans. So full of love & support. I love creating things, that makes me happy. Whether it's sewing, baking, drawing/painting, or just coloring with kiera... thare's something gratifying about looking at the finished product of something i made. I made this skirt for kiera yesterday, it took me a few hours. She wore it to church today & i couldn't help but smile everytime i looked at her. The ultimate compliment was when one of the girls (about 16 yrs old said "oh! i want her outfit.") My garden makes me happy, i planted my seeds & all but my tomatoes have sprouted. The anticipation of being able to pick fresh vegetables for my family makes me happy. That's just a few things but i assure you, there are many more. Thank you to all of you who read my little blog. Even though you don't all comment, i know you're here. I appreciate the love & friendship from everyone.