*Garden*

So, Ryan and I planted a garden this last season...however, we planted it way late so it wasn't totally productive but we had so much fun planting it, caring for it, and watching it grow! We grew a zucchini 2 feet long! We made so much zucchini bread, it was great! I've grown strawberries and cherry tomatoes before (even though I don't like tomatoes but my brother does so he'd eat them) but i had never had a real garden. And seriously, I was outside all the time checking it out and watching the progress. I'd definitely like to plant a garden every year, if possible. I 'll just try to do it early enough to have more growth. Here's my little watermelon, it didn't have enough time to get bigger before the frost came but it's so cute. I'm glad we did it! It was alot of work to get it going but it was nice to get outside to de-weed and enjoy the outdoors. We also had some jalapenos plants, we cut about 30 chilis and took them down to my dad, he loved them! He said they were the best he'd ever tasted!

It hurts...

So, i've been having this pain since last tuesday... it's a pain my body doesn't recognize... and it hurts. (i just can't say that enough...maybe deep inside i feel that everytime i verbalize this pain, it somehow loses it's power...like i'm staring it in the face & not backing down, like we're at war and i just threw a bomb at it) As the pain continued down to friday i really began to worry. Not to mention everyone who knew about it kept insisting i go to the dr. Aren't friends & family great! So, on friday evening we head up to the Instacare. Now, that place does NOT bring back good memories to mind but there we go. To my odd but pleasant surprise, it was fairly empty. Went right in. They did urine tests & pregnancy tests.... negative to both. It turns out i have an ovarian cyst. Doesn't that sound wonderful... It hurts. (BOOM! One point for me!) I had never heard of such a thing but as i talk to people, the dr included, it's a pretty common occurrence. And as I, being so up to date on the latest fads & fashion... i should have it too right. We all know how 'trendy' i am... lol. So, i've been in bed... allllll day Saturday i laid in bed and let me tell you about Sunday. I don't know if it was the pain meds or my lack of food or just the intensity of the pain, but every time i sat up, or much less, stood up... my body would start to pass out. It was horrible! And it hurts. (Take that!) My sweet friend Etta brought Ryan and I dinner. Aren't friends great. I slept through sunday, it was the only way i felt i could get through the day. I'm still in pain today but not nauseated anymore which compared to yesterday, is definitely an improvement. I can at least try to get something into my tummy. I've been living on saltine crackers that i sneak into my mouth and consume really fast before my body can realize i've tricked it and try to dispose of it. Lovely huh. I don't know how much longer this pain is going to last but I'm ready to close this chapter of my life. Because IT REALLY HURTS! =)

ShADy!

AaAaAaRrGgGg....!
Current mood: aggravated

I hate it when people are SHADY! They run their mouth all day long but when confronted... they choose to 'stay out of it'. If you have something to say, SAY IT! If i have a problem with someone, i have no problem telling it like it is or telling that person "i think you're dishonest" right to their face. I will not say anything behind your back that i won't say to your FACE . Don't act all hard if you're not willing to back it up. Don't talk all smart if you can't stand behind your words. And when i hear you saying something in the wrong... i WILL call you on it. People are used to playing telephone... words get passed along and become distorted and exaggerated & go in circles and by the time it reaches the other side, it's so far from the truth that it's invalid. IT MEANS NOTHING!!! You mean nothing! You try to hurt people who are lower than you because it makes you feel all high, mighty, & superhuman. You hurt those people because you know that they will never confront you or stand up to you, or call you out, but i will. I always do. Then what. It is SO hard for you to see other people happy, you can't stand it! You bond over tearing someone down... like two junkies bonding over dope. It's all you have. It's all you have in common. Misery loves company. It's true. You're not friends. You spread your cloud of negativity to all those around you and try to hear your own voice above all others, so maybe someone will listen. You speak and everyone else in the room is muted because nothing else but what you say matters. You take hold of the room as if you are on stage, under a spotlight, and everyone is invisible. You are the star. You're not. You're a distorted version of the child your mother bore. Inhuman. No feelings. No sympathy. Do you ever cry. I don't think you'd allow yourself to, it's a sign of weakness and that is one thing you are not. Weak. Pathetic. You speak, and noone cares. You speak, and i tune out. You speak, and every word you say explodes like dynamite. You are my dearest friend. And I hAte you.